This One is for Isaac

I've been thinking about this post for several days. My friend lent a magazine to me that featured an article about a baby with cranio synostosis. Some people reading this blog may not know that Isaac has (bear with me, it's a long name) trigonocephaly metopic synostosis. Basically this means that his head is shaped like a triangle (pointed at the forehead) and the problem with this is that in order for his brain to grow and develop properly, he has to undergo major surgery to reconstruct his skull. When Isaac was born, the abnormality (it's heartbreaking when your child's discharge papers have "abnormal" checked in the box) was a shock to us. We had no idea until my first look at him and I told the doctor that there was something wrong with his head. The first night in the hospital my doctor and all of the nurses thought it was probably just due to the delivery and how he was positioned, but that mother instinct told me something else and the pediatrician confirmed that feeling the next morning.

The first eight weeks were pretty stressful for Walter and I. We didn't know what was going to happen or what kind of surgery Isaac would need, or even if his brain was developing as it should. Finally, after meeting with the neurosurgeon and the plastic surgeon, we had our questions answered and had a plan for surgery, which will take place November 2nd. And as far as we can tell from just observing Isaac and from the scans, he shouldn't experience any developmental problems.

My grandma and I were driving home from Leo's dedication and she had a really horrible back ache and I was saying how hard that must be and she said, "it is, but I know that many people my age experience a lot worse." And I said, "yeah, that's what I tell myself about Isaac and his head." I know many parents experience so much worse, and now I feel for them more than ever because if this is bad then I cannot even begin to imagine how the mothers feel who only have minutes, or days with their baby, or whose child has to have surgery after surgery, or endure life-long disabilities. So yes, I'm thankful that this should be a one-time surgery and Isaac should be fine after that, but it doesn't take away from how Walter and I feel, and the fact that we want everything to be okay.

Honestly though, I haven't given all of this much thought in the last month and then I was given this article, which I couldn't even read until the evening it was given to me because it kept making me tear up and I couldn't finish it. And then I was driving to Columbus and had way too much free time to think. I thought about how I will have to hand over my little boy whom I've grown to love so much. I will have to trust the surgeons and everyone else who will be with Isaac when I will be left in the waiting room without him. As I was thinking all of this, the perfect song (you can look it up on Google or You Tube if you want to hear it) came on and though the days leading up to the surgery will be hard and it will be harder than ever to send Isaac off and into the hands of others, I will continue to pray for Isaac and healing, and for my own peace and I know that we are not alone or forgotten:

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now

God You would have reached down

And wiped our tears away

Stepped in and saved the day

But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls

I barely hear Your whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus:]

And I'll praise You in this storm

And I will lift my hands

For You are who You are

No matter where I am

And every tear I've cried

You hold in Your hand

You never left my side

And though my heart is torn

I will praise You in this storm

I remember when

I stumbled in the wind

You heard my cry to you

And you raised me up again

My strength is almost gone

How can I carry on

If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls

I barely hear You whisper through the rain

"I'm with you"

And as Your mercy falls

I raise my hands and praise the God who gives

And takes away

[Chorus]

I lift my eyes unto the hills

Where does my help come from?

My help comes from the Lord

The Maker of Heaven and Earth

[Chorus]

Here's my little man, mister man, bug, bud, bugga bug...otherwise known as, Isaac...