on motherhood....

I'm not sure that there are many other life-changing events as motherhood. Whether you adopt a baby, birth a baby, lose a baby, once a mom, always a mom. There's really no way around it. You, and your life is never the same. Sometimes you change in good ways, sometimes in not so good ways--mostly, I believe good. But I never thought I would yell, and sometimes I yell. I thought I would always be patient and use a loving "mom voice"...that certainly isn't always the case. But more than the negative changes I've seen in myself over the past (almost) four years, I see that I am stronger, persistent and insistent when I feel it's important for the well-being of my child, more independent, a lover of friendship, more appreciative for what I have, more loving, and in general, I just love life more because I see life every day through the eyes of Isaac and Isabella. And life in their eyes, is simply wonderful and pure. Life in their eyes, is about figuring out how to stack one block on top of the other, dancing and twirling, laughing at ridiculous things, thinking dandelions are beautiful, swinging, banging objects together and hearing new sounds, playing with flour, having tea parties, snuggling, hugging, kissing, learning new words, napping, taking baths and splashing, bubbles, and so much more.

Before I got pregnant the first time, and unfortunately had a miscarriage, I couldn't imagine ever really wanting to have a baby, and now I can't imagine my life without my children. You can't predict which path you'll be sent on and what God has in store for you. If you think or plan one thing, chances are things will happen quite differently. I know it has for me and I also know that that is okay because chances are I had a dumb plan to begin with. Probably the most important lesson I've learned in the last two years, is to live in the moment. I don't always succeed, but I always try and when I do, life is much more enjoyable.

If there's one holiday I could live without, it would be Mother's Day. I know, now you'll never read my blog again because I just committed blasphemy toward mothers...whatever. I just looked it up, and apparently, Mother's Day was never meant to become a commercialized holiday where the importance of purchasing the perfect gift superceeds anything else. Well, I guess that's any holiday. Every year I ponder Mother's Day and really, if it weren't for the ten thousand signs reminding me of the day, I would forget all about it. I decided this year that Mother's Day is more about my kids than me. They're the ones who have changed me and molded me into the mother I am. Nonetheless, the truth of the matter is that most mothers on the planet feel that Mother's Day is important. So, Happy Mother's Day and I hope that all of your Mother's Day expectations come true!

And a special Happy Mother's Day to my mom and my mother-in-law! I'm not sure that I could live without them!

Thank you Isaac and Isabella for putting up with me when I'm grumpy and tired, for making me laugh, for making me be silly, and for teaching me to love you unconditionally. Love, Mommy