Kite Flying

A poem, by Mary Oliver: 

Invitation

Oh do you have time

  to linger

     for just a little while

         out of your busy

and very important day

  for the goldfinches

      that have gathered

          in a field of thistles

for a musical battle, 

  to see who can sing

      the highest note, 

           or the lowest,

or the most expressive of mirth, 

  or the most tender?

       Their strong, blunt beaks

            drink the air

as they strive

  melodiously

      not for your sake

           and not for mine

and not for the sake of winning

  but for sheer delight and gratitude--

      believe us, they say, 

           it is a serious thing

just to be alive

  on this fresh morning

       in this broken world.

           I beg of you, 

do not walk by

  without pausing

       to attend to this

           rather ridiculous performance.

It could mean something.

  It could mean everything. 

       It could be what Rilke meant, when he wrote: 

           You must change your life. 

from, Red Bird 

Learn from Isaac: Walk with a purpose.

Preschool Update

People are always asking me how Isaac is doing in preschool. I know that several professionals in the special ed. community disagreed with our decision to pursue sending Isaac to a mainstream preschool and despite their opinions, we felt it would be best for Isaac to attend a school other than the one he was on track to attend due to his special needs. We are so happy with the decision we made for Isaac. He is thriving and is having so much fun in his current preschool setting. After only a couple weeks of preschool, I noticed that Isaac was beginning to act more like a boy and less like a baby. We tend to call Isaac our "forever baby" since his daily care is more involved than the typical three year old, so it is incredibly exciting to see him blossom (finally) from baby to boy. Isaac is making tremendous progress in speech development and gross motor skills. It is so exciting to hear him begin to verbalize some of his needs and wants, and I love watching his karate and superhero moves. Last October, he was only taking a few steps and even then he was mainly furniture walking. Now, he is jumping--JUMPING! It's incredible.

It still tugs at my emotions to see a typical three and a half year old standing next to Isaac, but I have found ways to cope with those emotions and I always remind myself of how much progress he has made over the last six months. What most people do not realize is that Isaac's self-care (toileting, dressing, feeding, bathing) is still that of an infant. This is what becomes the most discouraging, but I am so used to our "normal" that on most days I have become somewhat blind to Isaac's delays. When he is in a good mood, Isaac is the most entertaining, interesting and funniest person I know.

"Come, Beda (Isabella). Kame (Game)."

He still snuggles with us every night to fall asleep.

Preschool Thanksgiving Feast. He actually touched a green bean.

 
Isaac gets so excited to see Isabella each morning. He shouts, "Hi Beda (Isabella)! Hi! Yo (show), Beda!" (she gets to pick a show each morning and our little TV addict can't wait to find out what she will choose to watch)

My preschool goal for Isaac was for him to simply play and engage with other children his age, and most importantly, to have fun. Without a doubt, each of those goals has been met and we are so thankful for his wonderful preschool teachers and the safe and encouraging environment they have provided for all of their students.

Changes and Challenges

This week was hard. Jobs are potentially changing, parenting is presenting new and confusing challenges, my dog keeps shedding clumps of hair, and my family won't stop eating. I guess that sums it up from greatest to least greatest challenges and yes, I'm tired of providing food for everyone. I think a national holiday from eating should replace Valentine's Day, or something. I suppose that's why in my escapist dream last night I took my friend's van off roading and refused to admit to authorities that I'd hit a parked Escalade. I needed to have some crazy fun in a...van, and since I drive just about the cheapest car on the market, I needed to bash into something really pricey.

This morning I read the Introduction to Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead by Brene Brown, I'm looking forward to reading more of this book but today I am thankful for these words from a speech (shared by Brown) Theodore Roosevelt delivered in 1910:

"It is not the critic who counts; not the

man who points out how the strong man

stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could

have done better. 

The credit belongs to the man who is actually 

in the arena, whose face is marred by dust

and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; 

who errs, who comes short again and again, 

because there is no effort without error

and shortcoming; but who does actually

strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, 

the great devotions; who spends himself

in a worthy cause; 

who at the best knows in the end the triumph

of high achievement, and who at the worst, if

he fails, at least fails while daring greatly...."

At the start of this week, I wanted to give up on a lot of things and I wanted to sit and complain to anyone who would listen (thank you to those who did listen to me complain, and for my husband, who said not to give up). Despite feeling discouraged, I'll continue to do my best while putting one foot in front of the other, and pursue what gives me fulfillment. If I continue to fail, I'll know that it is not in vain. 

As for parenting, Brown shared these words, "...the practice of framing mothers and fathers as good or bad is both rampant and corrosive--it turns parenting into a shame minefield. The real questions for parents should be: 'Are you engaged? Are you paying attention?' If so, plan to make lots of mistakes and bad decisions. Imperfect parenting moments turn into gifts as our children watch us try to figure out what went wrong and how we can do better next time. The mandate is not to be perfect and raise happy children. Perfection doesn't exist, and I've found that what makes children happy doesn't always prepare them to be courageous, engaged adults" (15).

I feel like this is the year of making Isabella unhappy and I am constantly analyzing situations trying to figure out what I am doing wrong and I how I can improve. I am thankful for Brown's words because I can't be perfect in this part of my life or any other. Thanks to some advice from my mom, I am working to make some changes and lay some new ground rules--not necessarily to add to "happiness" but to bring clarity and order to our day.

Moving on...

We had our first snow fall for the year and Isabella exclaimed, "I was MADE for this weather!" She truly was. Over the summer she said all she wanted to do was be naked in the snow. For now we make her wear snow gear.

Isaac even ventured out. This was his first time in the snow and proves that we've come a very long way in working out his sensory issues.

In case you're wondering, the chickens were not at all happy with the snow. They stayed huddled in their coop which gave me plenty of opportunities to talk about how "cooped up" our chickens were--I love that I can make myself laugh.

I should share that the mere fact I even had a dream, shows that I am sleeping better. I haven't had to sleep with Isaac in almost two weeks and his night-wakings are shorter and less frequent. This is either a reprieve from my own impending insanity or a move toward sleep independence. Either way, I'm enjoying every moment of deep sleep.