33

When I put the kids to bed I turn the heat down to sixty-five, and when I wake up I turn it back up to sixty-eight. But this morning, as I was punching the numbers on the thermostat I thought, "it's by birthday, let's warm this place up", so I set it to seventy. That's just an example of how wild and crazy my life is. Don't be jealous.

On other birthdays I've made a list of important things from the past year and this has been a fairly notable year for our family, so I feel compelled to make a list of thirty-three things I don't want to forget. 

1. Isaac learned to eat. He still has the feeding tube for his medication and in case of an illness. He is on a strict feeding schedule and it can be quite trying to feed him but supposedly at school he feeds himself and doesn't need any prompting--I'm not bitter about that at all. 

2. I lived away from Walter, Isabella, and my dogs, in a hospital room for five weeks, and survived.

3. My friends are amazing and supportive, and I couldn't imagine this journey without them. 

4. I want a pack of German Shepherds. They are weirdest, most sensitive and emotional dogs (I guess that means we have a lot in common) but I love them.  

5. We have a new kitchen! This makes me love my house even more. 

6. I enjoy working on projects with Walter. 

7. I find it slightly hilarious that Isabella is a "cafeteria worker" and is 'paid' with a free lunch on Mondays. 

8. I learned how to play the guitar...and recently gave up playing the guitar. 

9. I took a surfing lesson. This was a serious boundary breaker for me. First of all, I don't like water; I don't even really like to shower. Secondly, I'm not one to go out of my comfort zone. 

10. I flew to Dallas, Texas for the second time to visit my sister and didn't spend the whole flight crying and imagining myself spiraling from the air to a messy death. 

11. I work for All Dogs Go to Kevin and get to work some amazing people. 

12. It's refreshing to have friends who don't have kids. 

13. Walter does most of the unloading and loading of the dishwasher now. 

14. I love cooking for my family, but I'm also okay with less-than-healthy quick meals on busy nights. 

15. Sometimes I buy Cheetos and hide them from Walter and then he finds them and says, "you've been eating these without me?!" 

16. I love to knit. 

17. A few years ago we started going to a church in a diverse community and it's been a wonderful experience for our whole family. 

18. I like to sit quietly. 

19. I enjoy walking through the woods alone with my dog. 

20. I like to make people laugh. 

21. I love when other people make me laugh. 

22. I don't take life too seriously. 

23. I love good coffee.

24. I take naps and don't feel guilty. 

25. I'm going to take a drawing class. 

26. Both of my kids are in school and I have more freedom than I've had in the last nine years. I'm still trying to figure out what to do with all of this freedom. But most days, it doesn't work out as I'd expect because I'm bound to get a call from the school about one thing or another. This freedom has also afforded me the opportunity to be readily available for friends in need, and this is something I appreciate being able to do. 

27. Charley has brought new life to our eleven year old Stella. This is good because I don't know what I'll do without her. 

28. I think I'm finally at peace with being a mom and a wife. I know that sounds weird, but I've often felt desperate for something more and felt like I was just waiting for the kids to be old enough for me to live my life, but I've learned that I am living my life, and I don't need a higher degree, or a special job to feel better about myself. 

29. I still want to write a book. I'm sure it will happen, but I don't think it's going to happen the way I expect it to, and I'm not in a rush. 

30. I like houseplants, and I've actually managed to keep a few alive. Particularly the one that "thrives on neglect". 

31. My book club still meets once a month and these are the women I feel safest with. 

32. Taking a liquid iron supplement and a high dose of Vitamin D is probably the best thing I could start doing for myself. It makes me feel like a different person. 

33.  Our little family of four, plus two dogs, in a relatively small house, is exactly what I want and where I want to be. 

"Now We Are Six"

Now We Are Six

When I was one I had just begun
When I was two I was nearly new

When I was three I was hardly me
When I was four I was not much more

When I was five I was just alive
But now I am six, I'm as clever as clever;

So I think I'll be six now for ever and ever.

- A.A. Milne

Dear Isabella, 

Now YOU are six, and I know from your very proud exclamations, that "being six is amazing"! I can't deny the fact that you really are, "clever as clever" and provide daily entertainment for all of us. I dug up the journal I was writing when you were born, and read, "For once, I can say that I am proud of myself and I am proud of what I have done." Do you know, you made me a mommy? And just having you and holding you in my arms, made me feel more confidence than I'd ever felt before.   

When I walk by your room and see you dancing in front of the mirror in your underwear, I quickly say a little prayer that you will always be fully accepting of your body. I made a vow before you were born that I would never say anything negative about my own body in front of you--I hope this small act helps you when the inevitable barrage on a female's self-esteem and personal body image is tested and tried. I leave the comments up to you instead, and some days you tell me I look tired, and other days you tell me I look like a princess. Basically, I'm a tired princess. 

It amuses me that you spend so much time prepping yourself each morning. You carefully select your outfit (right down to your underwear), and carefully select each clip that you soon choose just the right spot for on your head, right after you finish putting your hair in a ponytail all on your own. Some days you still ask me to help with your hair, and of course, some days I insist on helping you with your hair, but all in all, you do it on your own and walk from your room beaming about your latest ponytail success. 

Being five was a big year for you because you learned to read (among other things)! It was also the year we decided to become a homeschooling family, and despite the fact that you protested many days of learning, you have excelled at what we've challenged you with. In your preschool teacher's words, you are "a free spirit", which I hope I never squash, and only strive to broaden your mind and imagination. You absolutely love to play outside, and even on the very coldest winter days, you bundled up and trudged out the door to explore and do whatever it is you do out there--I wouldn't know because it was way too cold for me! Your imagination inspires me, and reminds me that just as you are full of stories to tell, I have stories too, I just need my adult mind to set them free. 

You understand things most five, I mean, six year old kids don't even have to think about. You know all about speech therapy, occupational therapy, feeding therapy, physical therapy, and feeding tubes, ear tubes, surgeries, and much more. I can count on you to turn off the feeding pump if I can't get to it fast enough, and you are my reliable helper when it comes to other things regarding Isaac. A couple weeks ago, you randomly told me that if one day I wouldn't be able to take care of Isaac, you would just practice with the feeding tube a lot, and then you would be able to take care of Isaac. You even suggested we put a pretend feeding tube on one of your dolls, so that you could get really good at it. I wish you didn't have to think about these things, but I know you have a compassionate heart and I know that you will always look out for your brother. I watch you, patiently waiting when we are at appointments, and I know that you are also learning about sacrifice. In this life, we make sacrifices that come in all shapes and sizes, and in our days with your brother, as a family, we lovingly make sacrifices for his health and wellness, and for the doors we hope to open for him as he grows. I know by your actions and your thoughtfulness, that you understand this.

The older you grow, the more chances I get to see the depth of your compassionate heart. I watch as you long to be with your grandparents and great-grandmas. When it feels like all you want to do is be with your grandparents, I remind myself that that was exactly how I was. These are relationships to treasure, and I am so thankful that you have already discovered on your own to treasure the special people in your life. 

It's been hard for me lately to sort through my feelings as you choose to go off on your own adventures. It seems you want to be somewhere other than here, and I wasn't prepared for that to happen so soon. You love playing outside with your neighbor friend, and you love going over to Oma and Opa's house. You even chose to go with Papa and Gar to Columbus to see the grandmas, instead of staying here to get the chickens! I am excited for you to make these choices, and build these relationships, but it feels early to have you running off on your own adventures. You are independent, and I like that. I am reminded of the book we enjoy reading together, If I Could Keep You Little by Marrianne Richmond, who writes, "If I could keep you little, I'd hold your hand everywhere. But then I'd miss you knowing, 'I can go...you stay there.'" 

Reading. I absolutely love reading to you. I remember in elementary school looking forward to the time (usually after lunch if I remember correctly) when the teacher read aloud from a chapter book, and a big part of my childhood was spent listening to Papa and Gar read to me. So, I couldn't wait until we could move away from story books and spend time engaged in chapter books. Here is a list of what I have read to you since January of this year:  

Peter Pan (abridged) - Classic Starts, Retold from the J.M. Barrie original
A Little Princess (abridged) - Classic Starts, Retold from the Francess H. Burnett original
The Secret Garden (abridged) by Frances Hodgson Burnett - Junior Classics for Young Readers
Charlotte's Web by E.B. White
Ramona the Pest by Beverley Cleary
The Mouse and the Motorcycle by Beverley Cleary
The Bear Named Paddington by Michael Bond
Black Beauty (abridged) - Classic Starts, Retold from the Anna Sewell original
Ramona and Beezus (though we gave up half way through) by Beverley Cleary
The Enormous Egg by Oliver Butterworth
Little Horse by Betsy Byars
Nancy Clancy Super Sleuth Book 1 by Jane O'Connor
Lulu and the Brontosaurus by Judith Viorst
The Trumpeter of the Swan by E.B. White (definitely one of our favorites, and also a great book for teaching new vocabulary)

We have also enjoyed spending a lot of time reading poetry from these books: 

Where the Sidewalk Ends by Shel Silverstein 
Poems to Learn by Heart compiled by Caroline Kennedy
A Child's Book of Poems compiled by Gyo Fujikawa
I've Lost My Hippopotamus by Jack Prelutsky 

We've had so much fun over this past year. There have certainly been the ups and downs that just come along with growing up and learning boundaries, and the ropes of give and take. I look forward to this next year with you, and I am excited to move on to first grade and the discovery of what our next year of learning together will have in store for us.

Happy Birthday. 

Love, 

Mommy

Birthday Leftovers

I just remembered that I had these pictures left over from Isaac's birthday, so in honor of the last day of his birthday month, I'll throw them up here for all to see.

In the spirit of turning three, Isaac has adopted an, "I'm three" attitude, which is interesting, to say the least. He acts completely insulted when we do something he doesn't want us to do, and I hear, "No, ma!" about three hundred times a day. He has about ten understandable words to his vocabulary and somehow manages to boss us around until he finally falls asleep at night.

Today we made quite the scene at Stride Rite, where we were ultimately in search of sandals for Isabella but then I thought, what the heck, Isaac could use a pair of shoes that breathe a little more than his boos (or, boots). As you know, finding a pair of shoes to fit over his braces is a monumental task. Isaac screaming as loudly as possibly makes it even more monumental, and then, when he repeats the same sounds over and over again when you aren't trying shoes on him...well, it's a situation that begs people to stare at you. And they did. And I pretended not to notice, and hoped they thought he was eighteen months old. Things like that are still acceptable at that age, right? Who knows. And I'm trying really hard not to care.

It was very cold on Isaac's birthday, but there happened to be a community expo going on, so we had the opportunity to see a helicopter up close (Isaac screamed, even though he is obsessed with all things that fly, or are otherwise known as beedows--I have no idea how he came up with that word, but that is what he calls airplanes, rockets, and helicopters), a firetruck (whoo whoo--more Isaac terminology), a zoo show, and a bubble show. 

Isaac loves bubbles. He volunteered to go on stage many times, and would shout from the front row and raise his hands and say, "ME ME, GO ME!" He was finally chosen, freaked out, and decided it was best to observe.

A little bike from Aunt Rosie, which no one was allowed to touch, look at, or go near once it was put together...Isaac didn't even go near it. He had to circle it for about a day until he finally sat on it.

We enjoyed dinner with friends, and since Isaac is a pirate at heart, we bought pirate plates and napkins which he loved, but of course he didn't eat anything. As I spent that day cooking, I couldn't help but think of the irony that I planned his birthday meal and dessert regardless of the fact that he wouldn't eat a single bit of it. On the day he stuffs his face with a cupcake, I will be one proud mama.

Birthday candle excitement...

 And that's all!

Three

This birthday deserves a real blog post. A real, "oh my goodness I can't believe you're three" post. But I'm busy right now, enjoying all of the progress we've made together. This year we will play outside, dig in the dirt, ride a tricycle, run as fast as we can, hit a ball--catch a ball, communicate more, play more, sleep more, smile more. It will be a good year.

This is how far we've come.

Last year I could not stand without support, and even then, I didn't like to stand.

Some pre-game tips from daddy...

Now I can hit a ball, and run after it.

 Now I laugh when I'm outside, and sign, 'outside' because I can't wait to explore.

I take it all in.

Sometimes I'm hesitant

but mostly I'm brave.

 I am funny, I am strong, I have conquered many things.

I am three. 

29

I don't have much time, I'm writing this as I'm sitting on the beach sipping a margarita. I'm also wearing a bikini (to show off my six pack, obviously) and a floppy hat. Nah, just kidding. I wish! Oh, and there isn't a six pack to show off to anyone, just some stretch marks. Or, in Walter's kinder words, birth marks.

Today is my birthday. You guessed it, I'm 29 (I had to say that, just in case you didn't read the title). I'm twenty-nine, I have two kids, and I've been married for almost eight years. That is crazy. Talk about not wanting to waste time!

A few thoughts about this past year:

1. I used to be able to go the whole night without getting up to pee. After two kids, this is no longer possible.
2. I fail at baking. This isn't anything new, but I made banana bread a couple days ago and the kids helped, after it was done Isabella said, "I forgot to tell you that I just don't like banana bread anymore."
3. I love our house. It's nothing fancy, but I don't need fancy. It's the perfect house for us.
4. You know you have a good friend when you can yell across your house, "Hey Michael, can you jiggle the handle on the toilet a few times after you flush!" Yep.
5. I'm so thankful for Isabella, and I know she'll be an amazing young woman some day.
6. Coffee is not worth drinking without some good half and half. Don't you dare use fat-free half and half. First of all, it's bad for you (read the ingredient list) and secondly, it ruins the flavor of the coffee.
7. Gotta have some raw sugar with that cup of coffee.
8. When Walter makes repetitive noises or chews up a mint, it feels like worms are crawling across my brain.
9. Some people have the ability to talk all day long, without stopping. Example: Isabella
10. Some day I really want my own room. It must be sound-proof so that I can't hear what's going on outside, and it must have a lock. A claw-foot bathtub would be nice too.
11. I'm tired of listening to my husband snore.
12. Ever since I got my hair cut, I can't stand it. From now on, I'll have long hair. So if I ever ask you, "Should I cut my hair? Wouldn't it look cute short?" Say, "NO!"
13. I'm almost past the idea that sleeping in, or taking naps, is a waste of time. Since having Isaac, I've come to grips with the fact that I need sleep whenever I can get it.
14. I have the most amazing friends.
15. I can't crochet. But I can knit.
16. I appreciate that my friends still come to my book club, even though I'm rarely prepared.
17. My kids are really amazing little people, and they make me laugh.
18. I lose my patience more than I want to.
19. I love getting holiday toy catalogs in the mail.
20. I'm a really bad business person, and have no desire to run my own photography business. But I do like second shooting (check out some new blog posts here).
21. This year I resigned from being a La Leche League Leader. It was too much for me, but I still firmly believe in the mother-baby relationship and the importance of breastfeeding. I do wish that Isaac and I had had a better breastfeeding experience, especially since he was my last baby.
22. I am content knowing that we will not have anymore children. I just hope one of my friends has another baby because I wouldn't mind breathing in that new baby smell.
23. Music in the morning helps my kids get ready for the day.
24. I miss my grandpa. Today, I will listen to an old voice mail of my grandma and grandpa singing Happy Birthday, to me.
25. I'm going to write a book. I'm going to write a book. Walter doesn't believe me, but if I say it enough, it will happen. Or, if I write enough words it will happen.
26. I can't keep my car clean. It just isn't possible. If they ever start a television series called "Car Hoarders",  you can nominate me.
27. I'm getting better at returning books to the library on time. You know what I don't understand? Why are librarians so mean when I have a fine. I mean, for real, they should be glad I have a fine. Instead of being grumpy about it and acting like I'm a book criminal, they should say, "Oooohh, looks like you have a fine! Thank you for supporting our library! You're awesome!"
28. Bridesmaids should not, I repeat, should not wear strapless dresses. Ladies, do yourself a favor, keep everything in place and look better at the same time, in a dress with straps. Just my personal opinion. Unless of course you weren't blessed on top, and then you just might be able to get away with the strapless look.
29. As I told Walter the night before Thanksgiving, we are so blessed, and I realize that more each day.

Now, back to my imaginary margarita.